It's almost 1 am and I am still awake...

I guess the last time there was any blogging done I had just been real with all 2 of our loyal readers. I have to say that this might be another one of those posts. Life is hard...and I don't handle stress well at all. Since Paul has gotten laid off he has been to so many interviews I have lost count and still...no job. I have finished my certification and still...no job. People keep telling me God is faithful, and He will provide for us, and He has a plan for us. However, now that the severance package is nearing an end I am not sure how much of that I really believe anymore.

Don't get me wrong, I know these things to be true about God, but the question has become...do I trust Him. As scary as it was when Paul first got laid off at least we knew there was money for us to live off of. Now my faith is being tested, and we are running out of money.

I think pride is a HUGE issue in my life too. I mean a good friend of mine suggested that I apply for a Teacher Assistant position and I immediately reacted with the thought that "I am a certified teacher...why would I do that?". I also called my old boss at Primrose and talked to her...that seems like it isn't going to work out, but I still feel like I am too good to go back there sometimes...especially if I am not going to be Lead Teacher. How the heck did I become so prideful?

I know Paul is completely willing to do whatever so that we can have an income, but I think he has a college degree and work experience he should be able to get a job that someone with a college degree qualifies for. Looks like I have enough pride for the both us, and maybe that is what God is trying to work on.

I guess the biggest thing that you can pray for is that God will provide what we need even if we have to cut out some of the comforts we have come to know and love, that we can both have jobs that we are passionate about, that God will open doors for us, and that I can really trust in WHO HE IS because I know that He only desires the best for me.

Get Real!

There is a woman in my life who I have come to admire and appreciate more than I ever knew I possibly could. As I read her blogs I find myself encouraged, inspired, but most of all challenged. I am encouraged to look to God and follow Him with all that is in me, I am inspired to help others who need it so desperately and I am challenged to stop being so selfish and fake with those around me. This woman is my beautiful sister, Elizabeth. She recently posted on her blog a challenge from her friend Angel to GET REAL! I encourage you to check out both of their blogs and take the challenge. And here I am now terribly afraid of what you might think about me if I get real, but tired of being fake. So here goes...

Over the past couple of months:
*I have celebrated my 4 year anniversary with the man of my dreams, and realized that I don't appreciate him as much as I should, but I live in fear of life without him.
*I have been diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) when (what seems like) every woman around me is getting pregnant or having a baby and asked God..."Why not me?". I have found that there is a tremendous amount of bitterness, anger, jealousy, and resentment in my heart towards these poor women (and some of them I don't even know).
*My husband has lost his job, and I live in fear of the what ifs on a daily basis. I wonder what God's plan is for this stage of our lives because the comfort that we have is being challenged. I don't know what we will do if Paul doesn't find a job by the time the severance package runs out, and then there is the frustration with those who complain about the job they have.
*I often question why it seems that I have had to deal with every horrible challenge a person could possibly face, and then realize that I have a home, clean water, food to eat, and clothes to wear.
*I take for granted the blessings that God has given me, and worry about those things that are out of my control.
*My heart goes to from peace and contement to debilitating fear at least 10 times a day.
*I feel like telling you these struggles will change your opinion of me, and I forget that in Christ I am a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17-21). And a new favorite verse of mine reminds me that these current afflictions are momentary and light. 2 Corinthians 4:17-18 "For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."

So there is my junk...now it is your turn to GET REAL!