So as most of you know we have been struggling with no jobs, working where we aren't appreciated, living off of the smallest amount we can make possible, and dealing with a miscarriage.
A couple of weeks ago I had an anxiety attack (which has happened before), and I realized that I just don't know how to deal with traumas from my childhood. I have been in counseling before and I talked about it, but I wasn't given tools to deal with things when they come up. I think I have been secretly hoping that counseling would make all of that go away and I wouldn't have to deal with it. So I think I was surprised when it all came up full force, and I was left standing there saying "Oh, no! What do I do?"
So this time around I am going to do Christian Counseling, and pray that through it I will learn tools from scripture that will help me deal with these things when they do come up. I have talked with some very wise people over the last week, and they have all said that counseling will help me learn how to deal with the situations from my past but it isn't going to take it away. Satan is going to always be there as the accuser reminding me of what has happened, how I have sinned, and telling me I am no good and worthless. I think I was a little shocked to hear that Satan was involved. I am always shocked when he attacks even though scripture tells me not to be. It tells us in 1 Peter that Satan is always looking for someone to devour so BE ALERT! I'm not sure if I am sleeping or what, but when Satan comes after me I am always wondering why me!
Our good friend John was telling us about a lecture series he has been listening to from Mark Driscoll on Spiritual Warfare. As I was listening to him talk about it I realized that all that has come up with my anxiety attack is not just in my head it is Satan in full force. John was telling us about one part of the series and he could have been telling me about how I feel, but from a different side. As I left I looked at Paul and I told him we have to be praying for protection, and we have to have our armor on at ALL TIMES! It was at that moment that I realized that some of the things that have happened to me were completely from Satan, and God has truly protected me. I have to say that when I accepted Christ at the age of 5 it was a vastly different experience than most I have heard, but Christ from that moment on was protecting me from satanic attack. It was not long after that when spiritual warfare began happening in my life. I didn't know it, but I know that Jesus was with me.
I just want to ask that you pray for Paul and I as Satan is coming at us like we never thought we would experience. We have been warned that Satan is going to try to come between us in our marriage, and he is already attacking me personally. Please pray that through counseling God will reveal to me how to forgive those who have been used by Satan to harm me, that I will learn how to deal with these attacks when they happen and not allow them to get to the point where I have anxiety attacks, and please pray for our marriage that God would be the center of it, we would come to Him at all times of day for wisdom, and that God will protect us as we go through this time.
Thank you for all you do for us, and especially for your prayers!
